I've got a massively huge heart, and it's got a shit ton of people in it. I am loving being here in Boone with Blaine. The last thing I was looking for when I met him was someone that I was going to fall hard enough for that I'd up and change my whole world just to be with. But I did, and he's it. We've got that shit that people write songs about. It's good shit. Worth a life change, a move, and missing all of the other people I've got in this massively huge heart of mine. But sometimes I just need to drink some cheap wine with Lauren and shoot the shit. Sometimes I just need to visit uncle Fred with Schnook and laugh until I cry. Sometimes I need to get drunk with my little brother and tell him how much cooler than me he's turned out to be. It's just those things that I sometimes need that I can't ever do here, and I think it's finally getting to me.
I've been lucky enough to have an adventurous life. I recognize that the things I do and see on a regular basis are things some people never get to do or see. I don't take any of that for granted. I've made the decision to not let myself be tied down to Columbus just because the majority of the people I love are there. I can always go home, and I think that's maybe what I need to do. I need a solid week, then I'll be ready to go again. I think the whole feeling of "home" is something I've been without for so long that it's kind of really all I'm after lately. I want Boone to feel like home. I'm never anywhere long enough to submerge myself, and that's what I want to do here. The town reminds me of Flagstaff, AZ, which is somewhere I've always wanted to live. With views like this:
I don't think it will be too difficult to adapt to. Even the downtown area looks near identical to Flag:
So I think I'm going to give this place a shot. I'm a huge commitment-phobe, and committing myself both to a new boy and a new place all in a matter of one summer is kind of nuts for me. I am going to do my best to not psych myself out and take off again in three months. I think the fact that Blaine is so unique and so awesome will help me stick around. I don't think I can find another one of him anywhere else.
I'm going to stop my Blaine ranting before it gets too gay. People don't want to read that shit. So back to this shit mood I woke up in. It's gone. Messes sorted. I guess I've just felt a little bit like Alice, post- Wonderland today and I can't shake it. Maybe I'm not supposed to shake it, maybe I'm supposed to get in the car and drive my ass to Lauren's front door and stay up late drinking cheap wine until it all feels right again. I need a good BOMA show, a drunk OSU tailgating morning, a couple nights in Lauren's Florida room with everyone that matters, and I think after that I will feel normal again.
I think I need to go home.
